Girlfriends

I began reading the Lipstick Jungle book I mentioned in a previous post. It took me a while to get into this book as I was turned off by the Sex and the City book by the same author. However, even though this book is still about women, New York and sex, it is written differently. The characters are well defined powerful business women who share their successes and failures. So far (I’m only on chapter 3) the underlining theme of this book is the same as the other one – friendship between women.

There is one line I’ve read that I believe sums this up very well . . . “Her relationship with her girlfriends was invaluable, because it was only with women that you could really be vulnerable – you could ask for a pat on the back, without worrying about being seen as hopelessly insecure.” I think this shows the underlying difference between men and women. We need friends to tell (or in my case, write down) our thoughts and feelings in order to understand ourselves better. We don’t expect empathy, we don’t want advice, we don’t want the other person to solve our problems, we just want to express what is inside. Then we can really deal with the situation – see it for what it is.

I don’t think men get this, at least most men. They try to tell you what to do to fix the problem or tell you what you did wrong or how they would have handled it differently. That is why women (or at least myself) don’t express their inner thoughts and feelings to men easily. It becomes too frustrating because the man tries to be the “hero.” We don’t need someone to rescue us, we just need someone to really listen so we can rescue ourselves. My girlfriends are the most valuable people in my life, even though many of them are thousands of miles away. I know that there is an instant bond when we talk, whether it has been a few days, months or years. There is a true understanding among women.

It is good to read about powerful women taking control of their lives and being status figures. The characters of this book are very fascinating with their high-powered jobs and stressful lives. Even though these are just fictitious women I admire their audacity to go after what they want, but I don’t share their drive. One of the characters is a fashion designer who’s livelihood depends on what the critics think of her seasonal collection. I could never do that because I have always had no concern for what other people think of me.

I have felt from a young age that the only opinion of me that matters is my own. Maybe that’s because I have a high self-esteem, maybe I just figured out life at an early age, or maybe I just didn’t like the opinions of others so I established my own. I don’t know why, but I feel that you should only be concerned about what you think of yourself. I strive to do things to please myself not others. That isn’t to say that I am selfish and not a giving person – just the opposite. I feel giving of myself is a very worthwhile thing – not because of what people think about me but because of how I feel. So I would have to agree that I am selfish, but in a good way.

The way I see things, it doesn’t matter what others think of me as people come and go but at the end of the day you are left with only yourself. If you don’t love and respect yourself then you can’t do the same for others and you certainly can’t expect anyone else to feel the same about you. I remind myself daily that the only constant thing in the universe is change. That may sound crazy, but just think about it. Every second of the day brings change, sometimes big and sometimes small, but one moment is never the same as another.

I take comfort in knowing that, especially in sad times. When the world gets me down I remember that it is only for a moment in time and that each second brings about something different. I like change and feel bored and frustrated if there isn’t something new and challenging in my life. I can’t handle the monotonous daily grind that some people call their lives. That’s not to say I need something exciting happening every day. Sometimes simply sitting on my back porch watching the birds is enough excitement for me. Admiring the simple things is just as important as experiencing the big things in life.

Take time to smell the roses, respect and love yourself, and talk with your girlfriends. Remember, a good friend is like a good bra – hard to find, supportive, comfortable, lifts you up, never lets you down or leaves you hanging and is always close to your heart!

So Much To Say

A friend of mine in England read my first post and sent me this poem she wrote. I liked it so much I asked her permission to share it on my blog. Hope you enjoy it as well.

You’ve So Much To Say

He says, ‘You’ve so much to say.’
She smiles and fears,
‘Who wants to hear the
torrent of terror?
Who wants to plunge into the volcano
and be consumed
by my all devouring need?’
She feels,
‘But I have moved mountains.
I have clawed myself up
out of the cavernous gorge.
I have crossed the abyss
dancing on a rainbow bridge.
I have drained dams
to quench my all consuming
thirst for life
in all its extremities.
And I have given of myself
generously, willingly
To assuage my guilt
To justify my existence
To become visible
To myself.’
In reply she says,
‘It’s nothing new, it’s all been said before.’
But secretly, she hopes it hasn’t.

written by Rita Sherriff-Hammond

Do Women Have A Mid-Life Crisis?

I went to the movies today, which is a rarity for me as the cost to go to the movies is unbelievable. I’m not just talking the price of the ticket, but the cost for petrol to get to the theatre (the closest one to me is 40 km away), and the price for a snack while you are there. I can’t sit through a movie without popcorn and a coke! I had a free movie ticket which was to expire in 4 days and being the frugal type I decided I must use it.

I saw the movie Wild Hogs which is a story about four men in their late 40s who form a motorcycle gang in suburban Ohio. One decides that they need to go on a road trip to California to become “real” bikers. Basically the four are having a mid-life crisis as they are unsatisfied with the way their lives have ended up. Most of the movie was predictable and the four “posers” became heroes in the end and overcame the real problems they were having with their lives.

I went to see this particular movie because it starred John Travolta . . . need I say more? For those wondering, yes he did dance in this movie, but unfortunately it was with a man! Sexy, none the less.

Having watched this movie and many other similar ones over the years, I got to thinking do women have a mid-life crisis? Do we ever wish to relive our youth and go back to “better” days? I don’t think so. I believe if you asked most women they wouldn’t want to go back to how they were in their teens or twenties. Yes, we were younger. Yes, we were probably better looking. I know my belly saw better days before I had children. But to go back to being naïve and shy and unsure about where you fit in the world, I think not.

Life was different back then, but I wouldn’t glorify it. I have learned so much through the many experiences I have had over the years. The people I’ve met and the places I’ve gone have taught me more than I could have ever imagined. I believe I know myself so much better now. There is nothing I did in my youth that I would like to relive. I don’t need to be the star of the sports team, or the coolest kid at school, or drive the hottest car. I don’t understand why men seem to need that type of reassurance. Why do they need to relive past victories? Do we view change differently? It seems that men become stagnant and set in their ways, whereas women seem to grow and develop over time.

Of course I am not speaking on behalf of all women (no one can do that) and I am not talking about all men (I have met some very interesting men in my time) but it seems that some men, as depicted in movies, go through a time of dissatisfaction with their lives. So I was just wondering why? I don’t know the answer, but I do know it makes for some funny movies!