Friendship

I’ve just finished reading the book Sex and the City. I’ve been meaning to read this book for a long time as I loved the TV series, however I can’t say the same for the book. I almost put the book down before I had finished the first chapter as I didn’t like the writing style. It seemed very disjointed. I persevered as I thought it might get better, but it didn’t. I was surprised as I’ve heard a lot of rave reviews about Candace Bushnell’s books so I thought I would like it.

The book was mainly about women in their 30s trying to find a husband in New York. They spent most of their time spending money, drinking, doing drugs and doing men. It seemed pointless and depressing to me. Maybe I didn’t like it because I couldn’t relate to the characters. In my 30s I was married with children. I struggled with my identity as a mother alone in a foreign country. Now, in my 40s, I have entered a new phase of my life as a single mother in what is no longer a foreign country to me. I feel much more comfortable with my life now. I don’t know why, but from a young age I knew I would be a single mother. I guess I didn’t think I would find a man that would be my equal whom I would want to spend the rest of my life with, so I could only see myself as a single mother.

What I liked about the TV series, which does not show up in the book, was the closeness of the friendship between the four main characters. I wasn’t interested in their glamorous lifestyle or the many men they slept with. What made me interested was watching the friendships develop. I wish I had that same closeness with the friends in my life now. I find it hard to develop such friendships, maybe because I am too honest and don’t play the mind games that so many people play. Many times I don’t allow people to really get to know me as I don’t feel they want to.

I do have some “old” friends who I cherish, however it is difficult as they live in other countries. The internet makes it easier for us to keep in touch, but it’s not the same as spending time with someone. I blame myself for not having close friends like those portrayed by Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha. When I was 18 I moved to Hawaii and away from the friends I had made at school. I continued to move every few years. Many of those friendships fell by the wayside due to lack of contact. Fortunately I have a couple friends who have forgiven my lack of communication (and I theirs) over the years and we still keep in touch. My best friend and I have known each other since we were 9 years old. We have been through a lot in our lives, tough times and good.

I think that’s what makes a good friend – someone who stands by you no matter what. Most people find out who their friends really are when things go wrong in their lives. I discovered this a few years ago when I separated from my husband. I sent an email out to friends and family and was pleasantly surprised at all the messages of support I received. Some of those people hadn’t contacted me in years, but in my “time of need” they let me know they cared. That is what real friendship is about – accepting a person for who they are and not trying to make them fit into what you want or need in your life.

I now have Candace Bushnell’s Lipstick Jungle which I will attempt next. However if it reads like Sex and the City I may not make it through the first chapter. I’ll let you know.