Girlfriends

I began reading the Lipstick Jungle book I mentioned in a previous post. It took me a while to get into this book as I was turned off by the Sex and the City book by the same author. However, even though this book is still about women, New York and sex, it is written differently. The characters are well defined powerful business women who share their successes and failures. So far (I’m only on chapter 3) the underlining theme of this book is the same as the other one – friendship between women.

There is one line I’ve read that I believe sums this up very well . . . “Her relationship with her girlfriends was invaluable, because it was only with women that you could really be vulnerable – you could ask for a pat on the back, without worrying about being seen as hopelessly insecure.” I think this shows the underlying difference between men and women. We need friends to tell (or in my case, write down) our thoughts and feelings in order to understand ourselves better. We don’t expect empathy, we don’t want advice, we don’t want the other person to solve our problems, we just want to express what is inside. Then we can really deal with the situation – see it for what it is.

I don’t think men get this, at least most men. They try to tell you what to do to fix the problem or tell you what you did wrong or how they would have handled it differently. That is why women (or at least myself) don’t express their inner thoughts and feelings to men easily. It becomes too frustrating because the man tries to be the “hero.” We don’t need someone to rescue us, we just need someone to really listen so we can rescue ourselves. My girlfriends are the most valuable people in my life, even though many of them are thousands of miles away. I know that there is an instant bond when we talk, whether it has been a few days, months or years. There is a true understanding among women.

It is good to read about powerful women taking control of their lives and being status figures. The characters of this book are very fascinating with their high-powered jobs and stressful lives. Even though these are just fictitious women I admire their audacity to go after what they want, but I don’t share their drive. One of the characters is a fashion designer who’s livelihood depends on what the critics think of her seasonal collection. I could never do that because I have always had no concern for what other people think of me.

I have felt from a young age that the only opinion of me that matters is my own. Maybe that’s because I have a high self-esteem, maybe I just figured out life at an early age, or maybe I just didn’t like the opinions of others so I established my own. I don’t know why, but I feel that you should only be concerned about what you think of yourself. I strive to do things to please myself not others. That isn’t to say that I am selfish and not a giving person – just the opposite. I feel giving of myself is a very worthwhile thing – not because of what people think about me but because of how I feel. So I would have to agree that I am selfish, but in a good way.

The way I see things, it doesn’t matter what others think of me as people come and go but at the end of the day you are left with only yourself. If you don’t love and respect yourself then you can’t do the same for others and you certainly can’t expect anyone else to feel the same about you. I remind myself daily that the only constant thing in the universe is change. That may sound crazy, but just think about it. Every second of the day brings change, sometimes big and sometimes small, but one moment is never the same as another.

I take comfort in knowing that, especially in sad times. When the world gets me down I remember that it is only for a moment in time and that each second brings about something different. I like change and feel bored and frustrated if there isn’t something new and challenging in my life. I can’t handle the monotonous daily grind that some people call their lives. That’s not to say I need something exciting happening every day. Sometimes simply sitting on my back porch watching the birds is enough excitement for me. Admiring the simple things is just as important as experiencing the big things in life.

Take time to smell the roses, respect and love yourself, and talk with your girlfriends. Remember, a good friend is like a good bra – hard to find, supportive, comfortable, lifts you up, never lets you down or leaves you hanging and is always close to your heart!