Who, not what, Am I?

I was thinking today as I drove to the next town to my weekly craft group about Who I Am?

Most people would simply say, don’t you know who you are? Of course I do, but I was wondering if anyone else knows? It seems all my life I have struggled to be known as an individual. As far back as I can remember I have always been something, not someone. At first I was my father’s baby, being the youngest of his four children. Then I was my brothers’ little sister. Even when I moved to Hawaii as an adult I was under someone else’s shadow. When I first met people on Kauai I would always reply to the comment “Oh, you’re Jack’s niece” by saying, “No, I’m Michelle.” But that didn’t mean anything to them as they didn’t know me. They needed to know how I fit into their picture of society. Some years later I was delighted to overhear a conversation at a party when a friend of mine was introduced to Jack and my friend said “Oh, you’re Michelle’s uncle.” A milestone had been met – I finally had a name, but did I have an identity?

It seems that people need to classify everything, even other people. Do you really understand who someone is if you put them into a category? Why does everyone need to determine what someone is instead of who they are? Isn’t that a form of stereotyping? Today I am known as my children’s mother, or the Brownie Leader, or the computer whiz. This is not who I am, these are simply things I do. Jobs I have undertaken, some I can never quit (being a mother). Why do I have to be defined by what I do?

Is it easier for society to know people by what they do than by who they are? Does it make us more secure to know where people fit in our lives? Think about that. When you are out with a friend and see someone only you know, what do you say when your friend asks who that other person was? Do you define them by their role (that was Johnny’s mom), their job (that was my dentist), or their activities (that’s a tennis buddy)? I bet you don’t say that is a really creative, caring, generous friend. Why not?

What keeps us from seeing who other people are? Why must we define them by what they do? I’ve been separated from my husband for three years now. I am still very friendly with his family and it was only recently that I chose to stop referring to his brother’s ex-wife as my sister-in-law and call her friend. I am just as guilty as the next guy when it comes to stereotyping people, but I wonder why we must do that? Why can’t we accept and see people for who they really are, instead of what they are?

Do we have an innate need to define things? Must we classify, categorise, and compartmentalise everything including people? Does this stereotyping keep us safe because we feel we know what to expect of them? I think it makes us less approachable. It is difficult to overcome how someone sees you, even when you get to know them. Next time you introduce someone try to say who they are, not what they are. See if it makes a difference to how they are perceived, and let me know!

For some people being seen is all that matters . . . for me being known is what’s important.

Now I’m off to perform my duties as a Brownie Leader. I only hope my brownies know me as a creative, caring, giving, fun, tolerant person who is also, hopefully, a good cook as we are making ANZAC biscuits!